Movie Recipes

• 1 whole Ocean’s Eleven, cut up
• 2 cups The Italian Job crumbs
• 2 Tbsp The Usual Suspects
• 2 Tbsp The Ladykillers

It’s not exactly the Colonel’s secret recipe, but it is some tasty fried chicken.  Mix all the other ingredients together and rub on the Ocean’s Eleven pieces.  Fry it up in some oil and you’ll be cluckin’.    It’s easy to burn it though, so make sure you don’t leave it in too long.

• 2 cups Ice Princess
• 1 cup Here on Earth
• 1/2 Tbsp Because I Said So
• 1 tsp Accepted
• a splash of Blades of Glory

As any gymnast knows, diet is an important part of training.  So here’s a fun and healthy food to start your day that even works out your wenis while you make it.  Mix all ingredients in a bowl then smooth out flat with a rolling pin.  The be sure to think outside the biscuit as you cut the dough with whatever shaped cutters you can find before baking for 10 minutes at 450 degrees.  Eat two for maximum ability to challenge authority throughout your day.

• 1 1/2 cups of shaved Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
• 1 oz Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgandy
• 1 oz Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
• 1 oz American Dreamz

Everyone loves shaved ice, unless they’re some kind of Nazi-loving-anti-ice-eating-loser.  Those people can just keep on keeping on and find themselves something to flambé.  What we have here is a veritable triptych of flavors that complement each other quite nicely, creating a delectable treat sure to quench any thirst.

• 1/2 bag Deep Impact
• 6 oz finely shredded Poseidon
• 4 crumbled Space Cowboys
• 4 oz The Core
• 3 Tbsp Independence Day

It’s important to have a full stomach when going to save the planet from the comfort of your bed.  However, if the situation does arise, here’s a snack that can help you stop those hunger pangs in the middle of the night.  Put all ingredients mixed together on a plate and microwave on nuclear for 2 minutes and you’ll be good to go with a nice plate of nachos. 

• 2 slices She’s the One 
• 1 slice House Arrest
• 1 slice It Happened One Night
• 2 squirts Nine Months

No likes a backseat driver, and the same goes for people in the kitchen.  Everyone has their particular way of cooking, whether it’s right or wrong.  Just as soon as you receive unsolicited pointers on how to improve your recipe, your good mood is right out the window.  So, we’re not going to try and revolutionize your ham & cheese sandwich, whether you toast the bread, put the ham or cheese on first, or whatever … we’re staying out of it because inevitably you will revert back to your method and it will be just as good as it ever was.

• 1 1/4 lbs Napoleon Dynamite
• 11 ounces cold The Brothers Solomon
• 3 ounces Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story, shredded
• 1/2 cup Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, melted

This is an attempt at a copycat recipe of those awesome [insert your favorite food] from [insert your favorite restaurant].  Sure you’d love to be able to recreate it exactly at home, but it just isn’t going to end up as good as you think it will be.  Despite the fact that a copy never turns out as good as the original, you can still enjoy it thoroughly.

• 1 cup lowfat The Grudge
• 1/2 cup imitation White Noise
• 1 Tbsp lite The Ring
• 1 tsp pure Darkness extract

I scream, you scream, we all scream for…ice milk.  What the deuce?  Apparently this recipe isn’t all it’s cracked up to be at first glance.  You wanted ice cream, but alas, you will not get that.  This is ice milk, the red-headed step child of ice cream.  Don’t be surprised when the ingredients seem to multiply into a horde of ice milk – no matter how hungry you are, it’ll take days to finish it, and by the time you do you might find yourself wondering why you made it.

• 2 lbs. 28 Days Later…
• 2 cups Outbreak
• 1/2 lb Resident Evil

This is a stupid simple recipe for mincemeat.  It doesn’t come with the pie, but you can figure that part out for yourself.  Mincemeat has been cooked up for several hundred years, so we’ve had lots of practice at getting it right.  Make sure you don’t get tainted beef though, or everyone on the planet will die and you’ll be left to enjoy your mincemeat alone…or, if you’re lucky, maybe with some zombies.

• 2 New Nightmare crackers
• 3 big pieces Halloween
• half of a bar of A Nightmare on Elm Street
• an American Psycho, just for kicks

Maybe scary campfire stories aren’t the most frightening thing, but they’re certainly more enjoyable with S’mores. I think I’m going to pass on giving you instructions on specifically how to make them. If you don’t know how to make S’mores out of these ingredients then you should either be shot in the forehead, stabbed in the face, stabbed in the chest, eviscerated, crushed by a garage door, stabbed in the throat, bifurcated by an axe, dispatched with a chainsaw, or killed with a nail gun. Make sure you get the insides gooey enough to resemble a ghoulish face for maximum maniacal merriment.

• 1″ cut of Rear Window 
• 2 tsp Stakeout
• 1 tsp Fracture
• 1 tsp Hoot
• a pinch of Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

When using a spice rub it’s very important to thoroughly cover all parts of the steak so that the flavoring is evenly spred.  Be sure to stay focused on the job at hand no matter how cute the girl next door swimming in her bikini is.  Don’t skimp on the ingredients either, this is a proven spice rub passed down over the years … it worked before and it will work again.