Movie Recipes

• 1 quart heavy Must Love Dogs
• 2 quarts hot Rumor Has It…
• 1 cup 10 Things I Hate About You
• 6 large Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
• 1 Something’s Gotta Give, split and scraped

So, your mother taught you how to make the best creme brulee ever, but she hovers so much when you try to make it that they never come out right as the tops always end up burnt and cracked instead of a smooth light brown.  Toss that recipe out, and take this as your own because doing so will probably force your mother to find a hobby that doesn’t include meddling in your life.  Place Something’s Gotta Give and Must Love Dogs on the stove over medium heat in a saucepan.  Bring to a boil and let cool.  Meanwhile, mix Divine Secrets … and 10 Things … in a bowl and slowly pour the cooled sauce in while mixing thoroughly.  Pour the finished mixture into ramekins and surround with Rumor Has It.  Bake for about 40 minutes and cool.  Sprinkle a touch more 10 Things … onto the tops of the cooled creme brulee and place under the broiler for about 30 seconds.  Let sit for a few minutes – long enough to call your mother and tell her everything worked out fine without her.  Now, relax and enjoy.

• 2 large scoops chocolate Grease
• 1/2 cup High School Musical syrup
• 1/2 cup malted Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen powder
• 1/2 cup cold Remember the Titans

There’s nothing like having a nice chocolate malted milkshake before going to the sock hop.  It doesn’t take long to whip up either, so you can make it in a hurry or while you’re just dancing around your kitchen.  Combine all the ingredients in a blender and blend for 2 minutes and pour into two tall glasses.  If you’re nice, you can show some racial solidarity and share some with the African-American family that just moved in next door.

• 2 Michael Clayton fillets
• 1  cup Runaway Jury
• 4 Tbsp Blood Diamond powder
• 2 tsp Syriana flakes

This recipe is in memory of Sydney Pollack, who passed away this week.

We won’t bother you with the name of this dish because there are probably only a handful of people in the world who could pronounce it correctly.  But trust us, once you taste it you’ll too realize that delicousness is the true universal language.  Warm Runaway Jury in a sauce pan, add the spices, and then let simmer for 5 minutes.  Pour the sauce over your Michael Clayton fillets and broil for 7 minutes or until caramelized on top.

• 1 starter Bruce Almighty
• 2 cups Noah
• 1 box Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
• 2 tsp The Astronaut Farmer
• 1 1/2 tsp The Shaggy Dog

What better baked good is there to share with your neighbors than Friendship Bread. Sure it may take a while to make, and folks might look at you funny, but in the end it’s absolutely worth it. Simply take your starter, mix in the other ingredients and bake at 325 degrees for 1 hour, or until a flood seems imminent. Despite the inherent deliciousness of the bread, don’t keep it to yourself, be sure to share it with the neighbors, it’s bound to soothe any hostility you may face. Just don’t cut any corners along the way with imitation ingredients or anything, eventually the truth will come out, and it probably won’t incite a favorable reaction. We’re just saying.

• 1 large Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
• 3 scoops National Treasure
• 4 generous Tbsp Stargate
• 1/4 cup Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
• 1 The Last Mimzy

Diners sure don’t make them like they used to, but who can say no to a big banana split.  Start by splitting a  big Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade down the middle and add three scoops of National Treasure.  Drizzle with plenty of Stargate then sprinkle with some Dead Man’s Chest and top with The Last Mimzy.  If you eat all the National Treasure first, you might be surprised to find that some Stargate has flowed to the bottom.  It’s especially delicious that way if you saved The Last Mimzy until the end!

• 1 scoop FeardotCom
• 1 scoop The Net
• 1/2 cup Saw

This recipe is like a Wendy’s Frosty; you can’t quite pick out the flavor even if you’re looking for it.  The amalgamation of vanillas and chocolates makes for something amorphous and unidentifyable yet undeniably delicious.  Just slap a scoop of each Fear Dot Com and The Net into a blender with the half cup of Saw and blend until smooth and creamy.  Pour into a glass and sip away on your imitation Frosty.

• 1 medium The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie, diced and peeled
• 2 large Mona Lisa Smile, diced and peeled
• 2 cloves Stand and Deliver, minced
• 1/3 cup American Beauty, pitted and chopped
• 1/4 cup red wine The Virgin Suicides

Oh Caponata, my Caponata, is this a good recipe.  But don’t take our word for it, decide for yourself using whatever criteria you see fit – flavor, scent, appearance, or even oeuvre.  First, brown The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie in a skillet.  Then cover, reduce heat, and simmer for 10 minutes.  Add in the remaining ingredients and simmer for an additional 5 minutes.  It is not uncommon to find yourself standing on the dinner table while eating this dish.

• 1 1/4 cups all purpose Constantine
• 1/4 cup Elektra
• 1/2 tsp freshly grated Spiderman 2
• 1/4 tsp ground Hellboy
• 1 large The Phantom

Jumping through rings of fire or over helicopters isn’t for everyone.  For those of you looking to put a little spice in your life without endangering it, try baking these spice muffins.  Simply mix all the ingredients in a bowl until thick and smooth.  Then bake in a greased muffin pan at 350 degrees (or over a self-contained fire) for 13 minutes, or until a golden brown on top.  Paint flaming skulls with a cream cheese frosting on top if you feel they need to be more bad ass.

• 2 slices Child’s Play
• 1 Tbsp Saw
• 1 Tbsp The Haunting

This peanut butter and jelly sandwich recipe practically speaks for itself (hah!).  Just take a very very sharp knife and stab it into the peanut butter.  Spread some peanut butter on a slice of Child’s Play.  Take a spoon and scoop out a heaping spoonful of The Haunting like you would scoop out someone’s eyeball.  Spread The Haunting on the other slice of Child’s Play.  Press the two slices together and enjoy.  For added fun, try and talk while you’re eating.

• 2 or 3ish cups Bridge to Terabithia
• 2 Pan’s Labyrinth
• 1 cup About a Boy
• 2 Tbsp First Blood
• a dash of Be Kind Rewind

Think of this as a “My First Cake” recipe.  By this point you’ve seen your mother or grandmother make plenty of cakes, so you figure that it can’t be that hard.  You start by grabbing the ingredients that you know go into it, and then you grab the ones that you think go in, and then the ones to make it your own special recipe.  Sure, by the end of it, you’re likely to resemble an evil scarecrow in a wedding dress, but once you see the cake come out of the oven, it’s a thing of beauty and it tastes even better.  Don’t be surprised when your friends all want to be a part of your next baking experience.