Entries from October 2008 ↓
October 31st, 2008 — by Executive Chef Jason — Recipes
If a snowstorm strikes and you just finished last can of soup and you need food for at least a couple more days … here’s a recipe that will do more than just whet your appetite. Saute Eragon in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone then pour in The Return of the King. Cook for 2 minutes then stir in The Neverending Story and bring to a boil. Allow to boil for 30 minutes then remove from heat and serve before it cools too much. After a couple bites you’ll find you are able to do new things. Will it make you fly? No. No, I don’t think it will.
October 30th, 2008 — by Executive Chef Garrison — Recipes
Noodles are one of the most versatile foods you can make. They’ll go with almost anything and can be boiled, fried, baked, or even eaten raw if you so choose. They’re also really screwupable because there’s a fine line between terrible and perfect. This recipe is for a very simple and perfectly seasoned Udon soup. Boil The Karate Kid for 8 minutes, stirring occasionally. When done, drain and put into a hot saucepan. Add the Star Wars and Incredibles to the pan and saute until the noodles turn slightly brown. Pour back into the boiling pot (without the water) and then pour in the Mulan. Give it a taste, and I guarantee you’ll say, “Skadoosh!”
October 29th, 2008 — by Executive Chef Jason — Recipes
So they did it. They went and proved that you are genetically inferior to nearly everyone else. But don’t let that get you down … genetics aren’t everything. There’s still a chance you can finesse yourself to wherever you want to go. Start by drinking this herbal supplement meant to bolster your immune system. Put Minority Report, The Island, Little Giants and The Fifth Element into I, Robot and microwave until hot. This should help keep you healthy despite whatever afflictions you are supposed to have according to your DNA. Remember, “there’s no gene for fate.”
October 28th, 2008 — by Executive Chef Jason — Recipes
If you’ve ever wondered aloud why there is an unequal hot dog/bun ratio, here is a recipe to help balance things out. Mix six cups Willy Wonka with Hook, Big, and Mr. Holland’s Opus. Mix together, cover, and allow to rise for at least 2 hours. Using the remaining Willy Wonka, knead the dough into the traditional hot dog bun shape and bake in the oven for 15-20 minutes at 375 degrees. This will make plenty, so if some insufferable fool drops a bun there will be extras, but for the love of mustard, we all know that will never happen, so feel free to enjoy these buns on their own.
October 24th, 2008 — by Executive Chef Jason — Recipes
You’ll find that any good detective drinks his or her fair share of coffee, and despite their demeanor, they are not bad ass enough to drink it black. Maybe it’s too plain, maybe they need to kill time, or maybe they just need a break from their latest case. Whatever the reason, here are some cream and sugar proportions that are guaranteed to please. Just pour your hot cup of Red Dragon, stir in The Bone Collector followed by Kiss the Girls. Then just sit back and savor the flavor. While you’re at it, you may want to think back to who got you into coffee, because we all know it tasted gross that first time, yet here you are almost dependent on the stuff and probably doing your part to pass the acquired taste on to someone else.
October 23rd, 2008 — by Executive Chef Jason — Recipes
It can be very mentally challenging for soldiers returning home from war; especially when the morality of the war is in question. Comfort foods can help smooth the transition of returning to a normal life, and for soldiers based in the southern US fried chicken is the most common comfort food. Begin by sifting together The Kingdom, Death Sentence, and Jarhead. Cut Courage Under Fire into 8 pieces, wash thoroughly, and pat dry. Then dip it in the mixture. Fry on the stove in a little oil for about 6 minutes a side. Pat the oil off each piece and enjoy. A couple bites should ease your mind enough to focus on giants or demons in your life that you have to fight or at least give you the resolve to do what’s right.
October 22nd, 2008 — by Executive Chef Jason — Recipes
Often, when the town psychic has a vision of destruction it’s time to pack up and leave or at least send out a scouting party to find another place to live. But don’t head out of town so fast that you don’t pack some delicious food to eat along your journey. Here is a simple recipe for flayrah wraps, or for those not familiar with the Lapine language, lettuce wraps. Begin by steaming The Rats of NIMH in water for 30 minutes. Slice A Bug’s Life in half and remove the outer layers of leaves. Scoop in some of The Secret of NIMH and splash in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe as wanted. Fold the edges over and enjoy. If you’re toward the end of the mass exodus try to avoid stepping in the hraka, that’s just gross.
October 21st, 2008 — by Executive Chef Jason — Recipes
If you ever happen to be on a spaceship floating towards the sun, there isn’t much opportunity for variety in terms of food and beverages. But one thing that you can make which varies with each batch is sun tea. You can grow your herbs and tea leaves in the self contained garden on the ship and there’s certainly no shortage of sunlight. Put The Core into a glass jar and submerge a tea strainer with both the Event Horizon and Armageddon leaves. Cover the jar and place in the sun for 3-5 hours depending on how close you are to the sun and how much the sunlight is filtered by the viewing window. Add in Star Trek: The Motion Picture and chill for at least 30 minutes before drinking. A few sips of this will be just what the doctor ordered and likely to calm any cabin fever you might have several months into your trip.
October 20th, 2008 — by Executive Chef Jason — Recipes
In the olden days there were many cure-alls, mostly in the form of tonics. Whether you were suffering from sword wounds, a cold, or even a broken heart, a regimented schedule of swigs of tonic would usually do the trick. Here is a recovered recipe of a quite famous tonic. Put the Romeo and Juliet in a pot and bring to a boil. Then add in the Braveheart and A Knight’s Tale and continue boiling for 15 minutes. Remove from the heat source and allow to cool to room temperature. Once cooled, slowly pour into the desired bottle or flask and cork it. Use it when any ailment gets the best of you. You by no means have to keep this tonic to yourself, but if you share it with your friends and they ask what its name is, reply, “I think its better that we don’t bother with names” because the name has a very storied past and is likely to complicate things.
October 17th, 2008 — by Executive Chef Jason — Recipes
When you’re a radio personality everything revolves around your voice. It’s the only thing you’ve got to connect you with your audience. So what happens when you open your mouth and nothing comes out? You make miracle throat elixir that will perform wonders on your vocal chords and get your dulcet tones back on the airwaves quicker than you can say “blue blazes.” First, heat put Private Parts and Forrest Gump into a small pan and heat on the stove over low heat being careful not to boil it. After about 10 minutes remove Forrest Gump and pour into a tall glass. Stir in Good Morning, Vietnam and squeeze American Graffiti over top. Then drink. In no time you’ll be back on the air changing people’s lives. “I’ll tell it to the hot, I’ll tell it to the cold. I’ll tell it to the young, I’ll tell it to the old. I don’t want no laughing, I don’t want no crying, and most of all, no signifying.” - Petey Greene