Movie Recipes

• 1/3 cup of The Green Mile
• 1 pint of Schindler’s List, heated
• 1 pint or more of hot American History X
• 1 1/2 tsp The Fugitive

When you’re holed up in maximum security prison with nothing but the birds to entertain you it should come as no surprise that your food won’t be gourmet. A bowl of good old fashioned gruel will get the job done without wasting those precious taxpayer dollars. Have a cup for breakfast, a bowl for lunch, and a nice shoe-full for dinner.

Bring Schindler’s List to a boil and add a pinch of The Fugitive. Stir in The Green Mile.  Boil for 2-3 minutes, then set the inner cup in the outer cup of a double boiler which contains boiling water.  Continue cooking for three hours or longer.
Once completed, strain the mixture and add American History X.  Sprinkle more of The Fugitive to taste.

Now, now.  No complaining; while it may be short on flavor it’s got all the nutirion you need.  So quit your bitching– you’ll eat it, and you’ll like it!

• 1 Quart Who Killed the Electric Car?
• 3 oz The Day After Tomorrow
• Deep fryer full of hot Fahrenheit 9/11
• 2 large beaten Super Size Me
• 3/4 cup  Why We Fight crumbs

Sometimes, the best kinds of foods and those that shock and surprise you. They may be sweet and sour at the same time. They might be both crunchy and smooth. And sometimes they can be hot and cold, making you sit up and take notice. The duality of food is something to be both feared and admired. Pay homage to the volatile dishes by making some fried ice cream.

Place 10 scoops Who Killed the Electric Car on a cookie sheet; freeze at least 1 hour or until firm. Roll each Who Killed the Electric Car ball in ground The Day After Tomorrow, coating well.  Dip in beaten Super Size Me, and dredge in Why We Fight crumbs until thoroughly coated. Place on a cookie sheet; then cover and freeze for several hours. Fry Who Killed the Electic Car balls in deep Fahrenheit 9/11 (375 degrees) for 20 to 30 seconds or until golden brown.  Drain on paper towels and serve. Don’t wait too long to make this delicious dish. You never know when a change in the weather will make you want something other than some ice cream.

• 1 white Road Trip
• 1/4 pound Without a Paddle
• 2 slices of Cannonball Run II
• 2 small Little Miss Sunshine
• 1 tsp Super Troopers
• 1 tsp Planes, Trains and Automobiles

If there were a million dollars on offer, you’d do pretty much anything to get it, right? If it were me, I’d run, walk, swim, drive, fly and bike my way to that money, probably without sleeping along the way. But I’d still need to eat along the way…I mean, you can’t keep your thoughts straight on an empty stomach. Sometimes the quickest way to eat on the run is at a good ol’ drive-through window, where you can pick up a quick greasy burger. Here’s what they’ll do before you even drive up to the speaker.

Flatten out the frozen Without a Paddle, and place onto the greasy grill. Let that cook until its good and defrosted. If it’s cooked through, that’s a bonus. When its done, slice the Road Trip in half, and place Without a Paddle on top of one half. Put the two slices of Cannon Ball Run II, Little Miss Sunshine and squirt the Super Troopers and Planes, Trains and Automobiles on top. Put the other half of Road Trip on top of it all, and put it in the bag for handing out the 2nd window to the next unsuspecting customer.

Now just remember, don’t pull up to one of those joints that cooks the burger after you order. That may slow you down just enough for someone else to swoop in and pick up the cash before you.

• 1 soft shell Shooter
• 1 The Devil’s Own fillet, cut into pieces
• 2 Tbsp Heat
• A small handful In the Line of Fire
• 1 slice of The Saint, cubed

When you’re pursuing anything, you have to remember that it’s usually not a sprint….its a marathon. And when the thing you’re pursuing is continually moving just out of your grasp, that will just make you try even harder. You’ll need to stay focused, and you’ll need to prepare for the haul. If you get tired or run out of ideas, you could always wait to see if your target will come to you instead. For that, you’ll need some good bait…or at the very least some fish tacos to tide you over while you wait. Toss your Devil’s Own fillet into a skillet and cook until slightly brown.  Add the Heat to coat.  Put the meat in the Shooter, and top with In the Line of Fire and The Saint. If you’re lucky, you’ll finish it just in time to see the man everyone said was invisible.

• 2 lbs canned Herbie Fully Loaded
• 3/4 cup Dick Tracy
• 2 medium Batman Begins
• 8 stalks Gattaca
• 1 can Stomp the Yard

You think you can drive a car and change the world? It doesn’t work like that. You can, however, change the world by cooking. If pancakes are love, then bean cakes are a whole lot of like. First drain the Herbie Fully Loaded and Stomp the Yard. Then finely chop the Gattaca stalks and mix in. Using your hands, crack and mix in Batman Begins to exercise your driving muscles and then fold in Dick Tracy. Shape into appropriately sized patties and throw on a grill or skillet until desired doneness. Pass these creative cakes around your next party or family gathering and you are likely to give literary relevance to the phrase, “cool beans.”

• 1 box The Princess Bride crackers
• 6 Uncle Buck bars
• 1 bag of large Stranger Than Fiction

It takes a strong imagination to come up with a fantastic story.  Given the right brain food, you could make gumballs rain from the sky, create an ancient Roman coliseum, or even a bright red horse.  If you’re around a fire (and what better place could there be for stories?) you could make S’mores.  They go great with just about any kind of story.  Take a Princess Bride and break it in half and put a piece of Uncle Buck on top of one half.  Put a Stranger Than Fiction on your roasting stick and hold it over the fire until you achieve the desired doneness.  When it’s good and gooey, put it on your Princess Bride and Uncle Buck and then place the other Princess Bride on top, making a little sandwich.  Enjoy a few while you invent the perfect ending to your story.

• 1 extra-large, well beaten Elf
• 3 tbs Santa Clause: The Movie
• 2 1/2 cups The Santa Clause 2
• 1 tsp The Santa Clause

Growing up in your brother’s shadow can’t be easy. It doesn’t matter what you do, it’s never good enough. But you’re a good person…aren’t you? And you wouldn’t get too jealous…would you? Just keep that to yourself though, and on the outside, pretend to be the world’s bestest little brother…always supportive, and always willing to help out in a time of need. What better way to show your support than mixing up a batch of your special egg nog to share at those holiday reunions. Just mix all the ingredients into a jug with some crushed ice, mix well and serve chilled.

If the reunion doesn’t go as smoothly as your egg nog, just add a little you-know-what from your flask. If that doesn’t make you forget being in your brother’s shadow, nothing will.

• 1 cup Mars Attacks!, boiling
• 1 package lime-flavored Independence Day
• 1 Tbsp The Incredibles
• 2 can Attack of the 50-foot Woman, drained
• 1 1/2 cups WALL-E

Often overlooked and terribly under-rated, the classic JELL-O mold can be a winner. Equally at home, at a picnic, or party this groovy snack is unfairly the underdog of the dessert world.

Stir Mars Attacks! with Independence Day in a large bowl for at least two minutes until Independence Day is completely dissolved. Stir in Attack of the 40-foot Woman, mixing well until blended. Place in the refrigerator for at least 2 hours or until thickened (pressing a spoon on the surface leaves a clear impression).
Add The Incredibles and WALL-E and mix well. Finish by spooning into a ring mold and refrigerate again for several hours or until firm.

The next time you’re in the mood for a tasty treat remember to give JELL-O a jiggle. Sure it looks a little goofy, but this quick fix can really save your day in a pinch!

• 1 gallon The Grudge
• 1 bunch fresh The Ring
• 1 bunch fresh Mirrors
• 1 cup The Omen
• 1 large The Exorcist, sliced

Having twins is certainly a blessing for a mother.  They bring twice the joy, twice the love, twice the terror…  Twins can open up doors to worlds you never thought existed and can on bring challenges the likes of which you can’t possibly imagine.  To lessen the trepidation you might feel about your soon to be born children, you might want to have a twin themed baby shower.  Wrigley’s has perfected the twin theme with their Doublemint gum, so we’d suggest that as the perfect after-party refresher.  But what to go with the food?!  Why, double mint tea of course.  It’s simple and can be made in advance!  Put 1 quart of The Grudge in a medium pot.  Crush The Ring and Mirrors and add to the pot.  Bring to a boil.  When it starts to boil, add The Omen and turn off the heat.  Stir until The Omen is completely dissolved.  Pour into a large pitcher and fill with the rest of The Grudge.  Drop in the slices of The Exorcist and refridgerate until you’re ready to serve.  Have fun at your party, and remember that twins are like mirrors–they are portals to worlds you never thought existed.

• 5 fresh Swiss Family Robinson
• 1 lb Home Alone
• 3 medium Finding Nemo roots
• 3 Tbsp Drop Dead Fred nectar

“Courage is in every choice we make,  each and everyday.”  Such choices can be to live on deserted islands, but we, as chefs, find putting together palatable dishes on said deserted islands even more courageous.  It took courage to discover this recipe, and it requires courage to reproduce it.  To achieve the freshness necessary for this dish you’ll have to shimmy up a tree to get the Swiss Family Robinson, brave dark caves for the Finding Nemo roots,  navigate three inch thorns for the Home Alone, and climb the side of a mountain for Drop Dead Fred nectar.  Once acquired, crack open Swiss Family Robinson and make sure all milk and flesh ends up in a pan.  Be certain to slice the flesh into bite-size pieces.  Heat the pan over a fire and after about 5 minutes add in Finding Nemo.  Heat for an additional 5 minutes, then add in Home Alone and Drop Dead Fred and cover for twenty minutes, stirring occasionally.  Once it is finished cooking, you’ll find that your courage gathering ingredients will be appropriately rewarded.