Movie Recipes

• 1/2 cup Invincible juice
• 9 tbs. Remember the Titans
• 3/8 tsp We Are Marshall
• 2 liters Radio

To be successful in the game of football, you’ve got to have a few things going for you. If you want to get a place on the team, you can’t just show up and get a jersey, unless maybe you’re a legacy player. Having a lot of speed, size, and skill are important, but are nothing without a good work ethic. That drive becomes even more important if you’re a little runt without speed, size or skill. While you’re working on your conditioning, you’ll want to keep hydrated. But if you don’t have enough money for an apartment to sleep in, you probably don’t have enough for some real gatorade. Here’s how you can mix up a batch of your own. Using boiling or hot Radio can make things go faster, but you’ll need to chill it down somehow before refrigerating it. So just mix everything together and see if it tastes like Gatorade. If you can’t seem to get the taste just right, try again the next day. And the next day. And the next, until you’ve reached your goal. I bet if you work hard enough, the crowd would chant your name, and players would carry you on their shoulders to reward you for your efforts.

• 1/4 cup The Matrix beans
• 1 1/2 cups Memento
• 3 Tbsp The Island
• granulated The Truman Show to taste

Some foods just grow on you.  Like coffee.  You might not have always liked it…or at least you think you know there was a time before you liked it, but now, it’s almost impossible to imagine life without it.  Did you ever stop to wonder if your memory of coffee is real?  What if someone changed your mind about coffee for you?  Then you started on the fancy coffee drinks…  Well, no matter, you might eventually figure it out.  But while you’re contemplating life’s tough questions like, “why is it so dark all the time?” you may as well enjoy a nice coffee beverage.  Grind The Matrix into a semi-fine powder.  Boil Memento and then steep The Matrix in it for several minutes or until desired darkness (if there is such a thing) is reached.  Stir in The Island and add The Truman Show to taste.  If nothing else, it’ll help keep you awake to discover the answers to those burning questions.

• 2 large Lost Highway
• 1/4 cup shredded Crash (1996)
• 1/2 cup diced The Hitcher

Ever been stuck behind a bad accident on the interstate?  It can take forever to get by, what with all the rubbernecking.  Why not pull off at the nearest exit and grab somethin’ from the diner just off the road. Every 24-hour joint is pretty much the same, and you can’t be too picky about which one. They’re all full of the same unusual clientele, but it’ll give you a chance to wait for some of the traffic to clear.  I’d recommend pretty much anything from one of these places.  Home cooked meals always hit the spot, and you can put a quarter in the juke box while you wait. If you can’t decide, the ham and cheese omlette is a safe bet.  Crack and beat the Lost Highway in a small bowl.  Pour into a medium-hot skillet and let sit for a couple minutes.  Drop Crash and The Hitcher on half.  When the Crash begins to melt, carefully fold the Lost Highway in half.  Flip once and let sit for another minute or two.  Eat quickly though, and don’t stare at the other customers, even if you think they’re staring at you. You’re probably just being paranoid. Just eat and get back on the road.  If you dilly-dally too long you might end up with an unexpected hitchhicker.

• The River Wild strips
• The Strangers chops
• The Descent spare ribs

It’s good to get away from the hustle and bustle of the city once in a while.  Maybe take a camping trip to the mountains or a canoeing trip down some exciting river rapids.  Leave behind the comforts of home – the microwaves, refrigerators, ovens – and provide for yourself with a bow and arrow and a fire.  You can bring along a few seasonings to help improve the flavor, but the meat (so to speak) is out there for the taking.  And you might have to take it forcefully. If a deer is out of reach, try to spear yourself a wild pig. You can get served several different ways from a pig, just check to see if you got yourself a sow instead of a boar (a boar tends to fight back a little more). Be careful to do it quietly though….if it squeals too loudly it might alert its friends and scare away your next meal too. Cut out your strips of The River Wild, a few The Strangers chops (‘bone-in’ of course), and several fatty The Descent, throw them all in a pan over your camp fire and fry ‘em up till they’re good and tender.

Once you’re satisfied, all that’s required of you is to…uh, well….get your god-damn asses up in them woods.

• 4 medium Swamp Thing
• 8 oz carbonated X-Men Origins: Wolverine
• 1/4 cup Iron Man

Scientists searching for cures for conditions they don’t quite understand can often find themselves quite thirsty.  And while water may be the healthiest choice, sometimes you need something a little more exciting.  Begin by juicing Swamp Thing.  Then mix in Iron Man and lastly dilute with Wolverine.  Sure it takes a little longer than going to the soda machine, but it also quenches your thirst much better … at least the first time around.

• 2 large scoops of The Butterfly Effect
• 1/2 cup Summer of Sam syrup
• 1/4 cup Contact powder
• 1/2 cup cold Back to the Future

It takes a certain class of food to really stand the test of time and be able make that connection to generation after generation.  It’s your pizzas, your ice creams, and your pancakes that really transcend time.  So too, does the malted milkshake.  It was as relevant in the 90′s as it was in the 50′s and 60′s.  It’s also the perfect beverage to enjoy on a warm summer’s night while you watch the Aurora Borealis ripple and undulate in the sky and maybe have a few conversations with long lost pals on your HAM radio.  Combine all ingredients in a blender or milk shake machine.  Blend at medium speed for 2 minutes and pour into a tall glass.  Make sure you drink it before you find yourself with an emergency that will preoccupy you though as you’ll be in a sticky situation if it melts before you drink it all.

• Handful of The Da Vinci Code
• 1 cup National Treasure
• 1 tsp grated National Treasure: Book of Secrets

If you ever get the chance to tour Vatican City, you’ll want to take in all the sights and sounds. There’s so much history surrounding the Pope and the Catholic Church that you can’t possibly experience it all in one day. But what if you’ve only got a few hours? You’ll want to find a quick meal so you don’t waste any time. Here’s an easy pasta dish that every corner cafe in Italy is sure to have on hand. Boil The Da Vinci Code until it is nice and tender. Warm the National Treasure while The Da Vinci Code is cooking. Remove from heat, serve and sprinkle National Treasure: Book of Secrets to taste. If you really want to make the most of your time, do some research on Catholic symbols before your trip. It will sure make it easier to figure out which places you should visit on your limited time frame.

• 1 cup 28 Weeks Later
• 3 grams Crank
• 1 gram I Am Legend
• 2-3 tsp Doomsday

Sleeping pills aren’t that uncommon, but suppose you need to stay awake and caffeine pills are not your thing.  What do you do?  Brew some of this tea, that’s what.  It makes use of rare herbs that will keep you going if you’re working the graveyard shift, pulling an all-nighter, or just keeping a step ahead of the flu without any of the drawbacks of caffeine.  Begin by heating 28 Weeks Later to boiling.  Remove from heat and steep a mixture of Crank and I Am Legend in it for ten minutes.  Remove and add Doomsday to taste.  With any luck, this will keep you going long enough to accomplish or evade as necessary.  As a bonus, it’s delicious.

• 9 seedless Hard Candy, diced
• 2 tbsp  of fresh American Beauty
• 1 cup Stranger than Fiction
• 1/4 cup Far from Heaven

On a hot summer day there’s nothing you want to do more than take a dip in the local pool, but be sure to plan ahead. Try taking along some Watermelon Soup, a  sweet refreshing treat to whet the appetite and calm your sizzling senses.

Combine one cup Hard Candy and Stranger than Ficton in a bowl and set aside. Blend remaining eight cups of Hard Candy with American beauty and Far From Heaven. Chill for thirty minutes, then strain. Mix in the earlier Hard Candy blend and stir well. Keep chilled until serving. If you really want to get into the poolside mood, top with a lemon wedge and a little umbrella; that makes everything taste better!

• The Insider
• Michael Clayton
• The Rainmaker

Ever wondered why there is an ingredients label on your bottle of “pure” water? It’s because some lawyer decided that 100% pure water didn’t necessarily have to mean ‘made of nothing except H2O.’  The only problem with these extra ingredients that ‘the man’ puts into your drinking water, is that you get used to it. That, and well maybe you might get a tumor or something one day. If you want to make your own drinking water, but aren’t satisfied with a bland mix of only hydrogen and oxygen, simply add The Insider, Michael Clayton, and The Rainmaker to the mix. You’ll have to experiment a little, as not all pure waters are created equally. Bonus tip: If you’re ever in a little place called Hinkley in California, you will definitely not want to sample their local spring water. Their list of hidden ingredients is so long it won’t even fit on the label anymore.