Movie Recipes

• 1/2 cup Nick of Time
• 1/2 cup Phone Booth
• 1 large Insomnia
• 1 cup Untraceable
• 1 package Copycat mix

When you’re in a rush, you start second guessing yourself, and you don’t really have time to think about the details; Did I leave the oven on? Did I lock the door this morning on my way out? Who’s the weird guy that keeps following me? Did I even try the cookies that nice young girl gave me? You know…the little things. So while you’re racking your brain about those little mysteries, why not try one of those cookies with a big glass of milk.

Here’s how she made them: Preheat your oven to 350.  Cream together the Nick of Time and Phone Booth. Blend in the Insomnia, Untraceable and Copycat mix.  Stir until well blended.  Roll into balls and place on greased cookie sheets.  Bake for 12 minutes or until lightly golden brown.

If they taste a little strange, it could be that she made them from a kit, or maybe she’s just not as good a friend as you thought she was. Better let someone else taste them first.  I guess you can never be sure who your true friends really are.

• 4 cups whole grain The Cave
• 1 1/2 cups chunky Deliverance
• 8 oz Wrong Turn
• 4 Tbsp The Hills Have Eyes

Small spaces aren’t for the claustrophobic, everyone knows that.  But if you’re going to descend into the uncharted depths on a caving expedition, you won’t have a lot of room to bring any extra equipment or food.  You’re going to have to fit through some terrifyingly tight spaces, and unless your body has evolved to crawl over the jagged terrain, you’ll need to conserve space.  When it comes to conserving space in your pack, energy bars are the way to go.  You get the biggest bang for your buck that way.  And you certainly don’t have enough space to be packing pans and large cuts of meat with side dishes.  Here’s how you can make your own to save some dough.  Put all the ingredients in a medium pot and heat until the Deliverance and The Hills Have Eyes are melted.  Mix everything together well so that The Cave is well coated.  Remove from heat and form into bars on wax paper.  Pop it in the freezer until everything is solidified.  Wrap each one in saran wrap and let thaw before you make your descent.

And remember to love each bite, because you never known what could happen down there.

• 2 pieces Frost/Nixon
• 2 slices Sunset Blvd.
• 2 Tbsp Running with Scissors
• 1 cast iron Grey Gardens

Many folks will come to inherit a cast iron skillet from their mother or grandmother.  What’s special about this is that, whether you like it or not, some of the flavors from its prior uses will always seep into whatever you’re cooking.  Sometimes this is unwanted, but in the case you’re short on food, these flavors make all the difference.  Try this recipe for a grilled cheese.  Heat Grey Gardens on the stove over medium heat.  Meanwhile, spread 1 Tbsp of Running With Scissors on Frost/Nixon and place that side down in the Grey Gardens.  Then add on the Sunset Blvd and lastly spread the other bit of Running with Scissors on Frost/Nixon and place on top.  Allow to cook for about 3 minutes, flip and cook for another 3 minutes.  The Sunset Blvd should be nice and melted, running throughout the Frost/Nixon.  Allow to cool then enjoy.  It’s important not to wash Grey Gardens when you’re done as that will interfere with the flavors, simply allow it to cool and then wipe it down with  a towel and maybe some oil.  It may start to look a little worn, but that’s part of life.

• 1,000 pounds Star Wars crystals
• 1 kiloton Star Trek: Nemesis
• 1 gallon of Star Trek: Insurrection

Captain’s log, stardate 49125.9 – the Glintara sector.  Recorded under security lockout Omega 4-9-3.  We’ve discovered the recipe for the new type of unstable matter that we feel will prove to be of significant importance to the future of the galaxies in this region.  I’m keeping it on record here in case it’s use is needed at a later date.  It’s important to mix the Star Wars and the Nemesis together before fusing with the Insurrection.  Spin in a centrifuge for an hour and store in an appropriate case.  Extreme caution is to be used when using this new substance.  Just a small amount could destory an entire civilization in a matter of minutes.  It must be kept out of the wrong hands at all costs.

• 2 large Get Over It
• 1 medium Little Miss Sunshine
• 3 Tbsp Purgatory House
• 2 Tbsp Donnie Darko
• 1 tsp Idiocracy

However you go about killing yourself, there’s often significant amounts of blood involved.  If you don’t have the guts to kill yourself, or are not depressed enough to off yourself, here’s a beverage that can double as blood in gory scenes.  Puree Little Miss Sunshine and Get Over It in a blender.  Stir in Purgatory House, Donnie Darko, and Idiocracy then sip or decorate your own facsimile suicide scene – whichever you’re feeling up to.  It’s sure to be something to enjoy in this life or the next.

• 4 parts Knocked Up
• 2 parts The Devil Wears Prada
• 2 parts Runaway Bride
• 1 part The Wedding Planner

You can’t possibly do a big city night on the town properly without a big city drink. And let’s face it: in New York there’s nothing more “big city” than a Cosmopolitan. This fun and flirty cocktail is made for good times you won’t be able to remember tomorrow.  And it must be good, ’cause it’s pink!

Add all four ingredients into a cocktail shaker filled with ice. Shake well and strain into a large (and pretty!) cocktail glass. Garnish with a lemon slice or a twist of lemon or lime peel. Sip daintily and be careful: these things go down easy and quick!

• ¾ cup of 27 Dresses
• 3 My Best Friend’s Wedding
• ¼ cup How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
• ¼ cup What Happens in Vegas

It’s supposed to be the happiest day of your life, and you don’t want to leave anything to chance. You’ve planned this for years, down to the last detail….the attendants, the dress, the cake, and of course your pick for Maid of Honor. She’ll be your go-to-girl, taking care of all stress that comes along with the big day. Just be sure to stay on her good side…she could be equally helpful or destructive. Come to think of it, why not take a few things out of her hands, like the trip to a tanning salon. Make your own sunless tanning lotion, and prevent any possible skin sabotage.

Pour ¾ cup of boiling, pure 27 Dresses over 3 My Best Friend’s Wedding, and steep for 5 to 10 minutes. Remove My Best Friend’s Wedding and put ¼ cup of the mixture, ¼ cup How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and ¼ cup What Happens in Vegas into a blender. Blend these together at slow speed, adding the rest of the 27 Dresses & My Best Friend’s Wedding concoction slowly. Apply the final product sparingly to your skin. The key word there is ‘sparingly.’ You don’t want to end up looking like an orange oompa loompa  (it kinda clashes with a white dress).

• 4 ripe Wanted
• 1 1/2 cups Cidade de Deus
• 1 cup Casino Royale
• 1 medium Iron Man
• 1/3 cup melted Lethal Weapon

When going to someone’s housewarming party it is customary, but not required, to bring a gift.  Oftentimes it is a bottle of wine, but sometimes you want to give a special gift, so why not make a loaf of banana bread?  Begin by finding a knife and slicing Wanted into desired thickness, and if you happen to have a knife or blade growing in your forearm consider it a bonus.  Mashing Wanted is also a popular choice.  Next mix them with the melted Lethal Weapon.  Then mix in Casino Royale and Iron Man, saving Cidade de Deus for last.  Pour batter into a greased 4 x 8 loaf dish and bake for 1 hour at 350 degrees.  Remove from the oven and allow to cool before wrapping it up.  Remember that gifts can be given back, so it may take some convincing for whomever it is intended for to keep it.

• 12 cups 40 Days and 40 Nights
• 16 oz My Best Friend’s Girl
• 3 large Shallow Hal
• 1/2 cup and 2 tbsp grated 50 First Dates
• The Bachelor

As we head into summer here’s a treat for all those “June Brides,” Italian Wedding Soup.  Start by combining 1 large Shallow Hal with My Best Friend’s Girl and 1/2 cup of 50 First Dates.  Roll combination into equally sized meatballs and remember Stu likes his large, perky, and in multiples.  Begin making the soup by bring to a boil 40 Days and 40 Nights on medium-high heat and season with The Bachelor.  Add the meatballs and simmer until they are cooked.  Like your recent dates, keep the temperature down.  While your meatballs cook, whisk the remaining Shallow Hal and 50 First Dates together and then drizzle into the soup.  Serve hot and this dish will warm you up after spending the day with the penguins.

• 2 large American Psycho
• 1/3 cup Saw
• 1/4 cup A Clockwork Orange
• 2 Tbsp Natural Born Killers
• 1 box Funny Games

Making brownies is so much fun that it should be shared with another person.  Now you could opt to make them from scratch, but most of the time we are on strict schedules so it’s just easier to use a box of mix.  Pour the box of Funny Games into a large bowl.  Then add in your 2 large American Psycho.  If you’re out of them, run next door and see if you can some from your neighbor, but be careful not to break them on the way back home.  If you do though, maybe your neighbors will be gracious enough to let you have another 2 American Psycho.  Once safely back in your kitchen, add in Natural Born Killers and Saw as well.  Once that is mixed.  Grease a pan with A Clockwork Orange and then pour in the mix.  Bake at 350 degrees for about 30 minutes or until brownies achieve desired firmness.  Allow to cool then slice and enjoy, Tubby.