Movie Recipes

• 1 Entrapment breast
• 1/2 cup all purpose The Thomas Crown Affair
• 2 tsp Lethal Weapon 2
• 1 tsp Mission: Impossible III

Even rich super-thieves sometimes crave very unhealthy-like food, but often their culinary skills are not inclined to such frivolities.  For those super-thieves out there who want a fried chicken sandwich recipe, you’ve come to the right place.  Begin by sifting The Thomas Crown Affair, Lethal Weapon 2, and Mission: Impossible III together.  Put Entrapment into mixture and make sure it is completely, um, entrapped.  Once that is over, toss it in some hot oil to fry it up nice and crisp.  Eat it on a toasted bun or just with ketchup and mustard – either way it’s a delicious way to carbo-load before your next heist.  Hopefully, you’ll find these directions crystal clear like mineral water.

• 2 Large skillet Transformers
• 3 Transformers: The Movie links
• Scrambled Terminator: Salvation
• 4 strips of crispy Starship Troopers
• Large glass of freshly squeezed The Matrix Reloaded

It’s your first day of college, so you’re probably thinking that the hardest thing you’ll have to deal with is a long distance relationship with your hottie girlfriend back home. For most people, that would be hard enough. But what if you found yourself in the middle of an interstellar war that’s been raging for thousands of years? You’re going to want to fuel up for those long runs and dangerous firefights that are sure to come your way. And believe me, you won’t have time to eat when there’s an advanced race of robots on your ass, so you’re gonna want to eat a nice big breakfast. Here’s what you can throw on your plate: Fry up your Transformers till they are well done (if you like them that way), and add in the Transformers: The Movie, and Starship Troopers to the same pan. In another pan, whisk up Terminator: Salvation, then pour into a separate pan. Let Terminator: Salvation fluff up, and when it’s done, take everything off the heat and put on your plate. Add a large glass of The Matrix Reloaded and you’ll be good to go. Finish this breakfast off and you might just have time to get online for a quick webcam chat with that girlfriend of yours…you know…before the shooting starts.

• 1 1/3 cups Grim Sweeper
• 4 cups Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead
• 3/4 cup Big Daddy
• 2 Tbsp Little Miss Sunshine
• 1 tsp Three to Tango granules

We’ve all had risotto at some point in our lives, and it seems like a simple enough thing to make.  Technically, unless it’s cooked as follows, it’s only a rice dish.  We would hate for you to embarrass yourself in front of any old Italian friends or get in over your head in the kitchen,  so follow closely.  Melt Little Miss Sunshine in large skillet over medium-high heat.  Add in in Grim Sweeper and stir for 3-4 minutes.  Add in Big Daddy and allow to reduce.  Pour in Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead to drown the Grim Sweeper and stir in Three to Tango.  Bring to a boil then reduce heat and simmer for 20 minutes.  During this point, you might find it useful to read up on your BBP certification, or any other certifications that might be beneficial for you.  Remove from heat and add in cheese, shrimp, or vegetables if you’ve got any just lying around the house.

• 1 packet Event Horizon
• 1 packet Doom
• 1 packet Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

In the future everything is more intense, even the mass murderers.  The one’s who’ve had the longest wait in deep freeze for their revenge can be the crankiest.  They’ll no doubt be hungry for food…and blood.  Toss this freeze dried meal package at him and head the other way to preserve your life.  Just rip open each packet, and throw as hard as you can towards the bad guy.  Run away and hope the medical nano repair-bots don’t get to him.

• 1/5th of The School of Rock
• 1 This is Spinal Tap, cut into wedges
• Almost Famous

Rock stars party harder than anyone…well, not as hard as the rappers, but that’s a different kinda party.  What better way to celebrate your stardom with your fans than way too many tequila shots?  To do it up right you’re gonna need This is Spinal Tap and some Almost Famous.  Pour out School of Rock into shot glasses (one for you and one for each of your adoring fans).  Pass around a wedge of This is Spinal Tap for everyone and have them pour a little Almost Famous on their hand.  Lick the Almost Famous, throw the School of Rock down, and suck the juice from the Spinal Tap.  Repeat until you’re on top of the world and trashing hotels with the best of them.

• 1  large Donnie Darko
• 1 cup mashed The Mothman Prophecies
• 1 cup of The Jacket

If you’re making your way across the country, and find yourself in a small town with nothing to do, your mind starts to wander. Where it wanders, who knows? Maybe you think about the past. Maybe you think about the future. Maybe you think about a new future that is based on a past that hasn’t happened yet. Maybe you need to get out of the heat…you’re starting to hallucinate. Get yourself into one of those roadside diners and ask for blue plate special. You won’t know what’s on it, but that’s okay. If you don’t like it, you can always come back and try again in a past life. The first time around, you’ll probably get Donnie Darko, The Mothman Prophecies, and The Jacket lumped onto the same plate. Make sure you enjoy the wierd combinations of foods on your plate. It might be the last meal you ever have.

• 1 oz The Devil Wears Prada
• 1/2 oz How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
• 1/2 oz 27 Dresses
• 1/2 oz 13 Going on 30

Have you just gotten your credit card statements in the mail?  Looking for a way to cut back?  Try making this Cosmo at home to save a little of that green.  Mix together all of the ingredients and shake with ice.  (Just make sure that when you are in the freezer you leave that credit card you have hidden in the block of ice alone.)  Strain and serve with garnish.  You will be relaxing with this drink so fast you won’t have time to think about going shopping.

• 3 cups Devil’s Angels beans
• 1 cup Reservoir Dogs
• 1/2 cup Desperado
• 6 slices No Country For Old Men

When you’re on the road with your biker buddies it’s important to remember the “4 B’s” – bikes, beer, booty, and baked beans.  Actually that’s 5 B’s.  Why go for that can crap when you can make your own.  Simmer the Devil’s Angels bean in a little water until soft but firm – about 45 minutes.  Add in Desperado, Reservoir Dogs, and No Country For Old Men and continue to simmer for an additional 45 minutes.  Sure it takes a while, but biking all day can take its toll with all the beer and booty and the hot sun beating down.  And who knows when you’ll be eating your last meal.  Wouldn’t be great if it was perfect?

• 1 1/2 cups Jumper juice
• 1 large The Matrix
• 1 cup crushed Serenity
• 2 Tbsp Suspect Zero powder

What’s your super power?  If I had to choose, I think I might choose being precognitive…or maybe telekinesis…or, if I’m really desperate, the ability to scream really loudly.  No matter what you end up getting as your super power, you’re gonna need to eat…unless you choose a power that lets you never be hungry.  But that’s not really a power so much as a neat feature.  I digress.  While you’re out gallivanting around being super trying to solve mysteries, you’re going to need sustenance.  Make this protein shake to take with you since you’ll inevitably be on the run with little time to spare.  Pour Jumper into a blender, peel The Matrix and cut into small pieces.  Then add to the blender.  Add in some Serenity and top off with the Suspect Zero powder.  Blend until smooth.  Enjoy it while you’ve got some down time waiting for your comrade to draw the next clue.

• 5 Love Actually
• 2 13 oz cans of evaporated Definitely Maybe
• 2 Cups The Break Up
• 4 Cups whole Reality Bites
• 1 tspb Sex and the City

You know the feeling. You went on a date, enjoyed yourself, and you thought they did too. There were a lot of good signs, or so you thought. While you’re sitting there, staring at your phone, waiting for them to call, you can mull over the night’s events. Did they say “I’ll call you” or “I look forward to hearing from you?” Did they say ‘It was nice to meet you’ at the beginning of the date, or at the end? It’s pretty important to read those signs correctly, or you may find yourself becoming a voicemail stalker. Anyway, while you wait, why not grab some comfort food; a big bowl of ice cream (ribs are too messy when if you have to answer the phone). Here’s how to make your own. Beat Love Actually in a large bowl. Mix Definitely Maybe, The Break Up, Sex and the City and Reality Bites until The Break Up dissolves. Combine with beaten Love Actually. Freeze until ready. Just don’t be disappointed if the phone doesn’t ring. It probably wasn’t meant to be. The right person for you is probably waiting at the next grocery checkout, bar stool, cafe table, or MySpace page…or maybe not.