Movie Recipes

• 1  large Donnie Darko
• 1 cup mashed The Mothman Prophecies
• 1 cup of The Jacket

If you’re making your way across the country, and find yourself in a small town with nothing to do, your mind starts to wander. Where it wanders, who knows? Maybe you think about the past. Maybe you think about the future. Maybe you think about a new future that is based on a past that hasn’t happened yet. Maybe you need to get out of the heat…you’re starting to hallucinate. Get yourself into one of those roadside diners and ask for blue plate special. You won’t know what’s on it, but that’s okay. If you don’t like it, you can always come back and try again in a past life. The first time around, you’ll probably get Donnie Darko, The Mothman Prophecies, and The Jacket lumped onto the same plate. Make sure you enjoy the wierd combinations of foods on your plate. It might be the last meal you ever have.

• 1 oz The Devil Wears Prada
• 1/2 oz How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
• 1/2 oz 27 Dresses
• 1/2 oz 13 Going on 30

Have you just gotten your credit card statements in the mail?  Looking for a way to cut back?  Try making this Cosmo at home to save a little of that green.  Mix together all of the ingredients and shake with ice.  (Just make sure that when you are in the freezer you leave that credit card you have hidden in the block of ice alone.)  Strain and serve with garnish.  You will be relaxing with this drink so fast you won’t have time to think about going shopping.

• 3 cups Devil’s Angels beans
• 1 cup Reservoir Dogs
• 1/2 cup Desperado
• 6 slices No Country For Old Men

When you’re on the road with your biker buddies it’s important to remember the “4 B’s” – bikes, beer, booty, and baked beans.  Actually that’s 5 B’s.  Why go for that can crap when you can make your own.  Simmer the Devil’s Angels bean in a little water until soft but firm – about 45 minutes.  Add in Desperado, Reservoir Dogs, and No Country For Old Men and continue to simmer for an additional 45 minutes.  Sure it takes a while, but biking all day can take its toll with all the beer and booty and the hot sun beating down.  And who knows when you’ll be eating your last meal.  Wouldn’t be great if it was perfect?

• 1 1/2 cups Jumper juice
• 1 large The Matrix
• 1 cup crushed Serenity
• 2 Tbsp Suspect Zero powder

What’s your super power?  If I had to choose, I think I might choose being precognitive…or maybe telekinesis…or, if I’m really desperate, the ability to scream really loudly.  No matter what you end up getting as your super power, you’re gonna need to eat…unless you choose a power that lets you never be hungry.  But that’s not really a power so much as a neat feature.  I digress.  While you’re out gallivanting around being super trying to solve mysteries, you’re going to need sustenance.  Make this protein shake to take with you since you’ll inevitably be on the run with little time to spare.  Pour Jumper into a blender, peel The Matrix and cut into small pieces.  Then add to the blender.  Add in some Serenity and top off with the Suspect Zero powder.  Blend until smooth.  Enjoy it while you’ve got some down time waiting for your comrade to draw the next clue.

• 5 Love Actually
• 2 13 oz cans of evaporated Definitely Maybe
• 2 Cups The Break Up
• 4 Cups whole Reality Bites
• 1 tspb Sex and the City

You know the feeling. You went on a date, enjoyed yourself, and you thought they did too. There were a lot of good signs, or so you thought. While you’re sitting there, staring at your phone, waiting for them to call, you can mull over the night’s events. Did they say “I’ll call you” or “I look forward to hearing from you?” Did they say ‘It was nice to meet you’ at the beginning of the date, or at the end? It’s pretty important to read those signs correctly, or you may find yourself becoming a voicemail stalker. Anyway, while you wait, why not grab some comfort food; a big bowl of ice cream (ribs are too messy when if you have to answer the phone). Here’s how to make your own. Beat Love Actually in a large bowl. Mix Definitely Maybe, The Break Up, Sex and the City and Reality Bites until The Break Up dissolves. Combine with beaten Love Actually. Freeze until ready. Just don’t be disappointed if the phone doesn’t ring. It probably wasn’t meant to be. The right person for you is probably waiting at the next grocery checkout, bar stool, cafe table, or MySpace page…or maybe not.

• 2 cups Maverick
• 1 cup The Sting
• 1/4 cup Secretary
• 1 Tbsp Runaway Jury
• 1/3 cup The Whole Nine Yards
• 1 cup chopped Ocean’s Twelve
• 2 oz sliced and chopped Mr. & Mrs. Smith
• 2 cups The Departed

The frozen pizza industry can be a competitive one.  It’s hard to predict what the next big thing will be.  A few years ago it was rising crust and before that it was stuffed crust.  As your average run of the mill chefs, we’re not privy to the secret meetings of Tombstone or Red Baron, so if you’ll have to enlist your own spies to find out what the next big breakthrough in the world of frozen pizzas.  What we can offer is a frozen pizza recipe of our own.  First you must make the crust.  Sift Maverick, Runaway Jury, and Secretary.  Add in The Sting and stir until doughy.  Flatten out with a rolling pin and shape as needed.  Bake at 400 degrees until it firms up – about 6 minutes.  Remove from oven and spread The Whole Nine Yards evenly.  Then distribute Ocean’s Twelve and Mr. & Mrs. Smith on top.  Lastly, sprinkle The Departed over everything.  Wrap up in cling-wrap and freeze for up to one month.  To cook simply place in oven and cook for 18 minutes at 400 degrees.  Don’t bail on this project partway through or you may find yourself wanting.

• 2 cups shredded Bring It On
• 1/4 cup Wedding Crashers strips
• 4 Tbsp Dodgeball:  A True Underdog Story dressing

We are cheering, we we are cheering!  Gooooo Tigers!  When you’re at cheer camp, you need to make sure you keep your cheer figure in tip-top cheer shape!  That means no candy bars or trips to the Olive Garden.  Bottomless bread sticks only keep you at the Olive Garden for so long, until at some point you look up and say “Why the hell am I at the Olive Garden with all these fat people?”  This simple salad will help you lose those extra pounds to give you that edge over the other girls.  Just mix everything in a bowl and dig in.  You never know, it might even help you get one of the few available male cheerleaders that everyone knows are just there for the ladies…right?  *spirit fingers!*

• 1/2 cup The New Guy
• 1/2 cup How to Deal
• 1/4 cup She’s All That
• 1/8 cup Definitely, Maybe

When you’re late but you need a snack with variety to accommodate different folks, it may be hard to clear your head.  Here’s a simple recipe for a party mix to keep in case of emergencies.  Mix all of the ingredients together in a plastic bag or bowl – The New Guy for saltiness, How to Deal for healthiness, She’s All That for spice, and Definitely, Maybe for sweetness.  All your friends will appreciate the thought and their mouths will be buzzing sharing the latest gossip.

*Of course if you have the time, you can stop by the store and pick up the premixed bag of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and make out more or less the same.

• 2 cups Liar Liar
• 1 cup Forgetting Sarah Marshall
• 3 Tbsp Along Came Polly
• 1 Tbsp Little Miss Sunshine

Do you want to be interesting?  Yes.

Do you want to have fun?  Yes.

Do you want to pull an all-nighter partying on a Tuesday night?  Yes.

Have you ever had a Red Bull?  No?

Then we need rectify that…right about now.  Here drink this, it’ll keep you up and agreeing to do things your old self wouldn’t even dream of attempting.  I made it myself though, so you can save the four bucks it’d usually cost you to get a Red Bull.  I just mixed Liar Liar with Forgetting Sarah Marshall and then disolved Along Came Polly and Little Miss Sunshine in a Nalgene bottle and shook it up really well.  Just enjoy and you should still be awake in time for your photography-jogging class.

• 1 cup What Happens in Vegas
• 1 large raw Knocked Up
• 1/2 cup Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
• 2 Tbsp A Guy Thing sauce
• 1/2 tsp Rain Man

If you’ve ever woken up in a strange place and there’s a live chicken clucking around the room and you can’t find any pants, you’re probably in Las Vegas with a massive hangover.  Luckily, you can probably find everything you need to cure that hangover in the mini fridge in your suite.  Dump all the ingredients in the blender, blend, pour in a glass, and muscle it down.  It’ll be gross, but it’ll put you back in the right mindset to figure out what exactly you did last night.