November 5th, 2008 — Recipes
When you’re the underdog and you get beaten up by the super douchy kids practically every day, you’ll probably need something comforting to help heal your wounds - both emotional and physical. A nice cup of hot green tea is the remedy. Take your hot Star Wars and steep the Kickboxer for two to three minutes. Add in a spoonful of 3 Ninjas to give it a little sweetness. It’s not hard, but make sure you’re careful with it. Either you green tea do “yes” or green tea do “no.” You green tea do “guess so,”….well you know the rest.
November 4th, 2008 — Recipes
Imagine a vote selecting a favorite dessert between ice cream, cake, and pudding. We’re not focusing on the particulars of each type … just the style. And somehow pudding (an obviously weaker choice) comes out on top. It is a crazy world we live in - I guess we just have to go with the flow and enjoy some pudding. Heat Bulworth over medium heat until bubbles start to form. Then slowly pour in Bob Roberts and Election while stirring slowly. Allow to thicken, then remove from heat and add in All the President’s Men and chill before serving. Even though it was a longshot to win, you’ve got to admit that it still tastes pretty good and satisfies your sweet tooth.
November 3rd, 2008 — Recipes
After a long night of drunken festivities, a mimosa might just be the thing to top it all off. This isn’t just any mimosa though, it’s got a surprise kick to it that will make your next 6 months. Pour the Knocked Up into a flute containing the Fools Rush In. Top it off with a splash of Lucky You and prepare yourself for the life changing realization you’re about to have.
October 31st, 2008 — Recipes
If a snowstorm strikes and you just finished last can of soup and you need food for at least a couple more days … here’s a recipe that will do more than just whet your appetite. Saute Eragon in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone then pour in The Return of the King. Cook for 2 minutes then stir in The Neverending Story and bring to a boil. Allow to boil for 30 minutes then remove from heat and serve before it cools too much. After a couple bites you’ll find you are able to do new things. Will it make you fly? No. No, I don’t think it will.
October 30th, 2008 — Recipes
Noodles are one of the most versatile foods you can make. They’ll go with almost anything and can be boiled, fried, baked, or even eaten raw if you so choose. They’re also really screwupable because there’s a fine line between terrible and perfect. This recipe is for a very simple and perfectly seasoned Udon soup. Boil The Karate Kid for 8 minutes, stirring occasionally. When done, drain and put into a hot saucepan. Add the Star Wars and Incredibles to the pan and saute until the noodles turn slightly brown. Pour back into the boiling pot (without the water) and then pour in the Mulan. Give it a taste, and I guarantee you’ll say, “Skadoosh!”
October 29th, 2008 — Recipes
So they did it. They went and proved that you are genetically inferior to nearly everyone else. But don’t let that get you down … genetics aren’t everything. There’s still a chance you can finesse yourself to wherever you want to go. Start by drinking this herbal supplement meant to bolster your immune system. Put Minority Report, The Island, Little Giants and The Fifth Element into I, Robot and microwave until hot. This should help keep you healthy despite whatever afflictions you are supposed to have according to your DNA. Remember, “there’s no gene for fate.”
October 28th, 2008 — Recipes
If you’ve ever wondered aloud why there is an unequal hot dog/bun ratio, here is a recipe to help balance things out. Mix six cups Willy Wonka with Hook, Big, and Mr. Holland’s Opus. Mix together, cover, and allow to rise for at least 2 hours. Using the remaining Willy Wonka, knead the dough into the traditional hot dog bun shape and bake in the oven for 15-20 minutes at 375 degrees. This will make plenty, so if some insufferable fool drops a bun there will be extras, but for the love of mustard, we all know that will never happen, so feel free to enjoy these buns on their own.
October 24th, 2008 — Recipes
You’ll find that any good detective drinks his or her fair share of coffee, and despite their demeanor, they are not bad ass enough to drink it black. Maybe it’s too plain, maybe they need to kill time, or maybe they just need a break from their latest case. Whatever the reason, here are some cream and sugar proportions that are guaranteed to please. Just pour your hot cup of Red Dragon, stir in The Bone Collector followed by Kiss the Girls. Then just sit back and savor the flavor. While you’re at it, you may want to think back to who got you into coffee, because we all know it tasted gross that first time, yet here you are almost dependent on the stuff and probably doing your part to pass the acquired taste on to someone else.
October 23rd, 2008 — Recipes
It can be very mentally challenging for soldiers returning home from war; especially when the morality of the war is in question. Comfort foods can help smooth the transition of returning to a normal life, and for soldiers based in the southern US fried chicken is the most common comfort food. Begin by sifting together The Kingdom, Death Sentence, and Jarhead. Cut Courage Under Fire into 8 pieces, wash thoroughly, and pat dry. Then dip it in the mixture. Fry on the stove in a little oil for about 6 minutes a side. Pat the oil off each piece and enjoy. A couple bites should ease your mind enough to focus on giants or demons in your life that you have to fight or at least give you the resolve to do what’s right.
October 22nd, 2008 — Recipes
Often, when the town psychic has a vision of destruction it’s time to pack up and leave or at least send out a scouting party to find another place to live. But don’t head out of town so fast that you don’t pack some delicious food to eat along your journey. Here is a simple recipe for flayrah wraps, or for those not familiar with the Lapine language, lettuce wraps. Begin by steaming The Rats of NIMH in water for 30 minutes. Slice A Bug’s Life in half and remove the outer layers of leaves. Scoop in some of The Secret of NIMH and splash in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe as wanted. Fold the edges over and enjoy. If you’re toward the end of the mass exodus try to avoid stepping in the hraka, that’s just gross.