Movie Recipes

• 2 cups Maverick
• 1 cup The Sting
• 1/4 cup Secretary
• 1 Tbsp Runaway Jury
• 1/3 cup The Whole Nine Yards
• 1 cup chopped Ocean’s Twelve
• 2 oz sliced and chopped Mr. & Mrs. Smith
• 2 cups The Departed

The frozen pizza industry can be a competitive one.  It’s hard to predict what the next big thing will be.  A few years ago it was rising crust and before that it was stuffed crust.  As your average run of the mill chefs, we’re not privy to the secret meetings of Tombstone or Red Baron, so if you’ll have to enlist your own spies to find out what the next big breakthrough in the world of frozen pizzas.  What we can offer is a frozen pizza recipe of our own.  First you must make the crust.  Sift Maverick, Runaway Jury, and Secretary.  Add in The Sting and stir until doughy.  Flatten out with a rolling pin and shape as needed.  Bake at 400 degrees until it firms up – about 6 minutes.  Remove from oven and spread The Whole Nine Yards evenly.  Then distribute Ocean’s Twelve and Mr. & Mrs. Smith on top.  Lastly, sprinkle The Departed over everything.  Wrap up in cling-wrap and freeze for up to one month.  To cook simply place in oven and cook for 18 minutes at 400 degrees.  Don’t bail on this project partway through or you may find yourself wanting.

• 2 cups shredded Bring It On
• 1/4 cup Wedding Crashers strips
• 4 Tbsp Dodgeball:  A True Underdog Story dressing

We are cheering, we we are cheering!  Gooooo Tigers!  When you’re at cheer camp, you need to make sure you keep your cheer figure in tip-top cheer shape!  That means no candy bars or trips to the Olive Garden.  Bottomless bread sticks only keep you at the Olive Garden for so long, until at some point you look up and say “Why the hell am I at the Olive Garden with all these fat people?”  This simple salad will help you lose those extra pounds to give you that edge over the other girls.  Just mix everything in a bowl and dig in.  You never know, it might even help you get one of the few available male cheerleaders that everyone knows are just there for the ladies…right?  *spirit fingers!*

• 1/2 cup The New Guy
• 1/2 cup How to Deal
• 1/4 cup She’s All That
• 1/8 cup Definitely, Maybe

When you’re late but you need a snack with variety to accommodate different folks, it may be hard to clear your head.  Here’s a simple recipe for a party mix to keep in case of emergencies.  Mix all of the ingredients together in a plastic bag or bowl – The New Guy for saltiness, How to Deal for healthiness, She’s All That for spice, and Definitely, Maybe for sweetness.  All your friends will appreciate the thought and their mouths will be buzzing sharing the latest gossip.

*Of course if you have the time, you can stop by the store and pick up the premixed bag of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and make out more or less the same.

• 2 cups Liar Liar
• 1 cup Forgetting Sarah Marshall
• 3 Tbsp Along Came Polly
• 1 Tbsp Little Miss Sunshine

Do you want to be interesting?  Yes.

Do you want to have fun?  Yes.

Do you want to pull an all-nighter partying on a Tuesday night?  Yes.

Have you ever had a Red Bull?  No?

Then we need rectify that…right about now.  Here drink this, it’ll keep you up and agreeing to do things your old self wouldn’t even dream of attempting.  I made it myself though, so you can save the four bucks it’d usually cost you to get a Red Bull.  I just mixed Liar Liar with Forgetting Sarah Marshall and then disolved Along Came Polly and Little Miss Sunshine in a Nalgene bottle and shook it up really well.  Just enjoy and you should still be awake in time for your photography-jogging class.

• 1 cup What Happens in Vegas
• 1 large raw Knocked Up
• 1/2 cup Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
• 2 Tbsp A Guy Thing sauce
• 1/2 tsp Rain Man

If you’ve ever woken up in a strange place and there’s a live chicken clucking around the room and you can’t find any pants, you’re probably in Las Vegas with a massive hangover.  Luckily, you can probably find everything you need to cure that hangover in the mini fridge in your suite.  Dump all the ingredients in the blender, blend, pour in a glass, and muscle it down.  It’ll be gross, but it’ll put you back in the right mindset to figure out what exactly you did last night.

• 2 The Brave One, over easy
• 2 A Beautiful Mind links
• 2 Silence of the Lambs strips
• 2 pieces Little Children
• 1 cup American Psycho

Government work often requires more work than planned for especially considering the pay.  In order to have the energy to make it through what is usually an exhausting day of work, it’s best to start off with a solid breakfast, like you can get at any diner.  Timing is everything with this so follow closely.  Begin by putting A Beautiful Mind links and Silence of the Lamb strips on the skillet at medium heat.  Let cook for about 3 minutes on a side and then flip.  After flipping put The Brave One on the skillet as well and toss Little Children in the toaster.  In about a minute, use a spatula to flip The Brave One and almost slam them on the skillet.  When the Little Children pop out of the toaster everything should be about done so put it on a plate and pour yourself a cup of American Psycho.  Then sit back and read the paper being certain to circle anything that might relate to your job and search for hidden patterns.

• 50 gallons Carrie
• 4 pounds Friday the 13th flavoring
• 3 pounds granulated Wet Hot American Summer

Summer camp is one of those places that gives people the opportunity to discover themselves and to discover the true nature of their friends.  Hanging out at the camp social, swimming (or not) by the lake, or eating at the dining hall, you’re sure to find someone you like.  On the flipside, you’re also going to inevitably meet your worst enemy.  Maybe you can come to terms over a nice tall glass of bug juice.  It’s the camp beverage of choice, and it’s best mixed up in a large trash can.  Fill trash can with Carrie, add Friday the 13th and Wet Hot American Summer.  Stir until well mixed.  Get you a nice cup full, and maybe take one to that shy new girl too…but be sure she’s not more than she’s cracked up to be or you might regret it later.

• 2 medium Serpico
• 2 oz National Security
• 2 Tbsp The Departed
• a few splashes Lakeview Terrace
• 1 stalk Training Day

If you need a pick-me-up in the morning and prefer something other than pouring malt liquor in your cereal or downing airplane bottles of vodka on your way to work, make your own Bloody Mary and get some of your daily vegetables out of the way too.  Puree Serpico in a food processor.  Pour in National Security and The Departed then add Lakeview Terrace to taste.  To add a little green to the mix, stir with Training Day.  But be warned … you know that thing they say about smelling vodka?  It’s bull.

• 2 thin cut pieces of Roxanne
• 1/2 pound Anything Else
• 2 slices How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
• half a jar of My Best Friend’s Girl sauce

The job of a relationship coach is never easy.  Especially when you’ve got a, shall we say, difficult client with no game.  For those tough cases, you just might have to go above and beyond the typical call of duty.  Helping them learn to go in for that first kiss, teaching them to dance, who knows what could be in store.  If your client doesn’t have the culinary skills to impress the ladies, you’ll be needing a recipe to help him along.  Make up this tasty chicken Parmesan dish to give him that extra push to get the woman of his dreams.  Preheat your oven to 350F.  Bake Roxanne for 17 minutes.  While it’s baking, boil Anything Else until al dente (about 12 minutes).  When the Anything Else is done, drain and remove Roxanne from the oven, place a piece of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days on top of each Roxanne and place back in the oven for 2 minutes.  Plate Anything Else and pour My Best Friend’s Girl over top.  Remove Roxanne, and place on top of the plate.  Discreetly give to your client to serve to his date.  Just be prepared for the possibility that your wiles might not work on everyone, and you’ll have to find new tactics.

• 1/2 cup October Sky powder
• 1/4 cup Howl’s Moving Castle
• 1/2 granulated Secondhand Lions
• 1 tsp Fly Away Home extract

When taking a journey to a foreign place, you might just run into some unexpected denizens.  Some might be skittish and you’ll have to provide some incentive to coax them to befriend you.  Nothing is better at persuading than a nice big chocolate bar.  Having some natives on your side could come in handy too, so make some chocolate bars to take with you by following this simple recipe.  Melt Howl’s Moving Castle and Secondhand Lions together in a medium sauce pan.  When it’s fully melted, add the October Sky and stir until completely mixed.  Remove from heat and stir in Fly Away Home.  Pour into candy bar mold and refrigerate until hardened.  Make sure you break off small pieces to feed your new friend so you have enough to let them get acquainted with you.  You never know when you might need their assisstance.